50 years ago, America’s biggest employer was General Motors, where workers made the modern equivalent of $50 dollars an hour. Today, America’s biggest employer is Walmart, where the average wage is $8 dollars an hour. Which means you can share a room in a transient hotel with a drifter who cuts his toenails with a machete.
And Walmart released their annual report this month, and in it was the fact that most of what Walmart sells is food. And most of their customers need food stamps to pay for it. Meanwhile, Walmart’s owners are so absurdly rich that one of them, Alice Walton, spent over a billion dollars building an art museum in Bentonville, Arkansas, 500 miles away from the nearest person who ever would want to look at art.
And she said about it, “For years I’ve been thinking about what we can do as a family that can really make a difference.” How about giving your employees a raise, you deluded nitwit?
Take the case of Belle Knox. She’s the Duke University freshman who was recently outed as a porn star. But she doesn’t have the typical porn star biography… No, she’s a level-headed articulate 18-year-old majoring in women’s studies.
So people are saying, why the porn? Because Duke costs $61 grand a year! Since 1980, college tuition has increased 600% above the inflation rate. I’m surprised they’re not all doing porn. …
This is what the Paul Ryans of the world don’t understand — that this is not a country of lazy people and good people, so much as it is a country of rich people and desperate people.
Do you know how much Americans owe in student loans?
$1.3 trillion dollars.
We’re going to have to sell a lot of ass to pay that tab.
“It’s no secret that television in general has been less than happy lately, with characters dying and couples breaking up all over the place. But I should never have doubted that—just when I needed it—Parks and Rec would swoop in with some of its patented Pawnee sunshine and remind me that not every show I watch is going to go out of its way to depress me. Happy relationships don’t have to be something for television shows to run away from; they can be the building blocks of a great show. Parks and Rec finds greatness in simple moments of happiness and love, and that’s a rare achievement in television that should be celebrated.”—"Flu Season 2" Review (x)
“When they’re babies, people will come up and say to you ‘Are they a boy or a girl?’ when the kid’s in the pram and you can’t tell. And immediately when you tell them which gender it is they will behave differently according to what you tell them. It got to the point where we didn’t want people to know what gender the baby was. Just treat it as you’d treat someone you wanted to be nice to! Why is it so important to you to know? And then you hear people saying ‘Oh, look at him, he’s a little flirt isn’t he’, or ‘Oooh, she’s gonna wrap you around her little finger’ and all this. What are you on about? She’s two months old, she’s just shat herself.”—Alan Davies completely and utterly demolishing gender roles (via vanillanice)
Colds are bullshit. One day you’re happily minding your own business, and the next day you’re desperately trying to keep yourself from choking on your own phlegm while emailing the head of Archives because Jesus Christ, Doreen, I told you I’d find out where our old hiring records are being stored, I’m emailing them because I can’t talk, I’m sorry Doreen, can you please get off my ass for one second so I can do this? It sucks. Fortunately, there is a better way.
When you are standing in that obnoxious middle ground between Cold and Illness, the one where you are still expected to come into work in spite of the fact that you’re dribbling pathogens everywhere, there is a drink to help you. But it is scary. It is dark, and mysterious, and has been described by people (or maybe just my partner) as “drinking Satan’s fiery urine.” But it is worth it.
It’s ginger tea.
Your ingredients are as follows: -One ginger root (anywhere from a quarter to half pound) -4 cups of water -Honey (to taste)
Get your water into a pot, and crank the heat to medium-high. Then, get your ginger root, and don’t bother peeling the thing. Just rinse it, and chop it into thin pieces, maybe a quarter-inch thick at the most, and dump the whole fragrant affair into the water. Is it boiling? No? Don’t touch it. Check back in a bit. Is it boiling yet? Yes? Back the heat off to a simmer and let it sit like that for fifteen to twenty minutes. By this point your tea should have progressed from “delightfully gingery water” to “this is the gasoline-esque burn of whiskey without the added bonus of inebriation.” This is good! Inhale the steam! Embrace the ginger. BECOME THE DRAGON.
How you strain the tea is up to you: I have a fine-mesh strainer on hand, which I parked over the teacups and strained the tea right into. If you do not have a fine-mesh strainer, you can use a coffee filter or even a clean towel or washrag, as long as it catches the gross bits which may have flaked off of the ginger in the boiling process. You can also do this over a larger holding vessel for leftover beverage enjoyment.
Serve the tea, hot, with liberal amounts of honey added. Not only will honey sweeten the tea and therefore make it less likely for your throat to turn on you in a fit of mutinous rage; it will also help your throat! Honey will soothe your angry esophagus and calm your cough down. Drink the rest of your tea, and feel comforted. If you survive this, you can definitely survive this cold. You are truly the blood of the dragon. If this tea is too much for you: don’t be ashamed, you are still truly the blood of the dragon. You may just want to keep a cup of milk handy to mitigate the burn after you drink the tea (though be advised that cow milk may contribute to your phlegm problem).