There are a lot of people who keep encouraging bisexuals to come out during a relationship rather than before.
If someone doesn’t like bisexuals, doesn’t trust bisexuals, just comes up with the fetishising response or who’s a homophobe then wouldn’t it be better to realise this as early as possible?
I can’t help but feel that its really naive to think that someone will change their mind after getting to know a person or that it shouldn’t matter. It does matter to a lot of people and how a person handles the information should probably matter to you.
For the sake of both of you it just makes sense to come out pre-relationship.
THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS
Fuck I wish I realised the “come out while you’re in a relationship” was a load of misinformed bullshit sooner. This comes from people who think folks are more willing to accept you if you invest in a relationship with them, which is wrong wrong wrong. This is the worst idea ever.
I’ve been pretty lucky when it comes to relationships with people, but jesus fuck it is so easy to fall into a relationships with people who are not only not okay with my bisexuality but are fucking dangerous, and there is absolutely no way of knowing this until you’ve come out.
I have been outed to friends and strangers without my permission, I’ve been asked to re-enact personal porn fantasies on the spot, I’ve been told I should stop saying I’m bisexual because “I’m doing it for attention”, as well as some shit that’s actually made me fear for my safety. And the worst part is it escalates because you are in a relationship, people invest huge parts of their time and emotions into these things, and because of this it’s easy to set a cycle of abuse in motion.
Not to mention that there are also people who a A-okay with your bisexuality up to a point, such as they will be accepting of you providing that you don’t look at their biphobic fetishing bullshit too closely, or their right to suddenly not be okay with bisexuality if you do it in a way they don’t approve of. These are scary motherfuckers, but you can easily overlook that when you invest so much in a relationship with them.
Seriously, I often wonder how much of the awful sexual assault and domestic violence statistics focussing on bisexuals comprise situations where a bisexual has felt comfortable enough to come out during a relationship or felt pressure to come out only to have their partner flip their shit and start making threatening demands now that they have this new information.
It’s a legitimate fear for bisexual people! Everyone should fucking respect that.
8. Your Best Friend’s Shitty Ex Who Is Really Bad for Her
Surprise surprise—they are never going to go away. I know they’re unpredictably mood-swingy and teetering, if not cartwheeling the fuck over, the line of being an alcoholic, and that they made your best friend cry on a regular basis and that they once bashed the door of her car in by kicking it during a fight, but here they are again, cute curly hair and zip-up hoodie, sitting smiling on her couch and drinking PBR and greeting you like they’re not a psychotic motherfucker.
Plan of Action: Be cordial and keep your distance. You are not friends with this person, and you don’t have to be, but you don’t have to start something, either. Go find your best friend—does she even know her shitty ex is here?
If she doesn’t and freaks out, help her figure out how to get them out of her apartment. If she does know, give her your most scathing look of reproach, the one that burns like an untreated bladder infection, and remind her She Is Someone Who Is Worthy Of, and Deserves, Love, Respect, and Happiness. Then threaten to make a scene.
“Now what is particularly outrageous about the Wal-Mart business model is that the Walton family that owns Wal-Mart is the wealthiest family in this country … The six heirs of Sam Walton are worth about, I believe, over $100 billion. Which is more wealth than the bottom 40 percent of the American people, interestingly. And what is quite amazing is that one of the reasons this family has become so wealthy is that the taxpayers of the United States provide more welfare to the Walton family than any family in America. So that — when you have workers in Wal-Mart who in order to feed their families have got to go on food stamps, have got to go on Medicaid to get their healthcare, have got to live in government-subsidized affordable housing in order to have a roof over their heads — what that dynamic is, essentially, is that the United States, that the taxpayers of this country are in partnership with the Walton family. The Walton family makes all of the money – the wealthiest family in America – while the taxpayers have to subsidize the low-paid employees. And that to me is totally absurd.”—Bernie Sanders (via mattpayton)
“He is now resting. He is now at peace. Our nation hast lost its greatest son. Our people have lost its father.”—Nelson Mandela has died, South African President Jacob Zuma announces. (via think-progress)
Beyoncé’s success would seem to offer many reasons for feminists to cheer. The performer has enjoyed record-breaking career success and has taken control of a multimillion-dollar empire in a male-run industry, while being frank about gender inequities and the sacrifices required of women. She employs an all-woman band of ace musicians—the Sugar Mamas—that she formed to give girls more musical role models. And she speaks passionately about the power of female relationships.
But some pundits are hesitant to award the singer feminist laurels. For instance, Anne Helen Petersen, writer for the blog Celebrity Gossip, Academic Style (and Bitch contributor), says, “What bothers me—what causes such profound ambivalence—is the way in which [Beyoncé has] been held up as an exemplar of female power and, by extension, become a de facto feminist icon….Beyoncé is powerful. F*cking powerful. And that, in truth, is what concerns me.”
Petersen says the singer’s lyrical feminism swings between fantasy (“Run the World [Girls]”) and “bemoaning and satirizing men’s inability to commit to monogamous relationships” (“Single Ladies”). The writer also accuses Beyoncé of performing for the male gaze and admits, in comments to the post, to feeling “grossed out” by the “Mrs. Carter” tour name. And Petersen is surely not alone in her displeasure.
i think freckles, stretch marks, tattoos, bruises, birthmarks and scars are probably the coolest thing, you started with almost a blank canvas and look at u now, all this evidence that you’ve lived and the sun has shone on you and you’ve grown and maybe tripped up a few times and liked an image so much u made it a permanent part of u, beautiful.
As white people, we are used to representations of ourselves crowding the covers of magazines, crowning the posters of newly released films. The good guys are white, we have learned, after eons of our faces being plastered under cowboy hats and in impeccable Bond suits. White men are Superman, we have learned. White men are Ethan Hunt and Neo and white men are hobbits. Bad men, we have learned, are black. They’re gang bangers and thugs and talk loud and sometimes deliver funny lines where we laugh at their Otherness. Black men aren’t heroes, we learn. Our imagination and subconscious are so saturated with white supremacist notions of goodness, beauty, and heroism, that when confronted head-on with an image of a black man who is brilliant and kind and normal and who saves the day, we transform into robotic versions of ourselves: Does… not… compute. Hero… must be… white. It’s this line of thinking that turned Disney’s Princess Tiana into an animal for 95 percent of the movie. The collective white imagination had difficulty imagining a black girl as a princess… and so she became a frog.
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boss was trying to say? ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’”—Chris Rock (via lamaracuya)