There are a lot of people who keep encouraging bisexuals to come out during a relationship rather than before.
If someone doesn’t like bisexuals, doesn’t trust bisexuals, just comes up with the fetishising response or who’s a homophobe then wouldn’t it be better to realise this as early as possible?
I can’t help but feel that its really naive to think that someone will change their mind after getting to know a person or that it shouldn’t matter. It does matter to a lot of people and how a person handles the information should probably matter to you.
For the sake of both of you it just makes sense to come out pre-relationship.
THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS
Fuck I wish I realised the “come out while you’re in a relationship” was a load of misinformed bullshit sooner. This comes from people who think folks are more willing to accept you if you invest in a relationship with them, which is wrong wrong wrong. This is the worst idea ever.
I’ve been pretty lucky when it comes to relationships with people, but jesus fuck it is so easy to fall into a relationships with people who are not only not okay with my bisexuality but are fucking dangerous, and there is absolutely no way of knowing this until you’ve come out.
I have been outed to friends and strangers without my permission, I’ve been asked to re-enact personal porn fantasies on the spot, I’ve been told I should stop saying I’m bisexual because “I’m doing it for attention”, as well as some shit that’s actually made me fear for my safety. And the worst part is it escalates because you are in a relationship, people invest huge parts of their time and emotions into these things, and because of this it’s easy to set a cycle of abuse in motion.
Not to mention that there are also people who a A-okay with your bisexuality up to a point, such as they will be accepting of you providing that you don’t look at their biphobic fetishing bullshit too closely, or their right to suddenly not be okay with bisexuality if you do it in a way they don’t approve of. These are scary motherfuckers, but you can easily overlook that when you invest so much in a relationship with them.
Seriously, I often wonder how much of the awful sexual assault and domestic violence statistics focussing on bisexuals comprise situations where a bisexual has felt comfortable enough to come out during a relationship or felt pressure to come out only to have their partner flip their shit and start making threatening demands now that they have this new information.
It’s a legitimate fear for bisexual people! Everyone should fucking respect that.